Danger - Keep Out

A lot of the online info about this album includes repeated reassurances that their extremely glammy/sleazy aesthetics don't extend into the music, and that they play real metal.  I was still quite skeptical--the band photos immediately brought Steel Panther to mind, and realistically I expected something like Crashdïet musically, or perhaps at best something like the heavier Priest-inspired tracks on Too Fast for Love.  I was quite taken aback when the opener "Enemy" turned out to be a speed metal tune, and I'm happy to confirm this is a legitimate heavy metal CD.

The bulk of the album is rooted in '80s traditional metal, though there are some injections of modern power metal influences and some general power metal overtones throughout the CD (they do indeed sound like they're the retro heavy metal sideproject of a Swedish or German power metal band).  Just by virtue of being '80s style metal, of course there are plenty of Maiden influences abound, but the galloping Egyptian melodies of "The Curse" are a clear homage to "Powerslave."  I also hear touches of "Strange World" early on in "The Fallen One," though it falls far, far short of that and ends up being more of a power metal power ballad.

This disc was definitely one of my most blatant "you can't judge a book by its cover" metal moments, since there isn't even a hint of L.A. influence here!  Sadly, some quick sampling on YouTube confirms their later material definitely fits their image.

Vöetsek - Infernal Command

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Premonition - We Are Metal

For years, the only Premonition track I had ever heard was their Ozzy cover; based on that and their other sensible cover choices, I assumed they were a standard '80s loving traditional metal band. Then not too long ago I heard a song (from their first album, I think) that was unfortunately more like groove metal with gruff vocals. Now as much as I disagree with some of King Fowley's intentionally inflammatory hyperbolic statements and the direction of Deceased since Fearless Undead Machines, I was very skeptical he'd release any shit like that on Old Metal. I will be honest, though--the drummer's Pantera shirt had me somewhat worried.

Musically, this is close to what I originally expected--traditional HM with some slight power metal overtones. The vocals seem to have some sort of unfortunate reverb effect applied that makes them sound unnatural and warbly, and they're generally a bit off-putting, especially in conjunction with some of the clumsier lyrical phrasings. I actually tend to love unusual vocals in traditional metal (not just King Diamond and Nasty Ronnie crazyfalsettos, mind you--I actually actively seek out stuff like Living Death and Dark Wizard), but something seemed artificial about these. I'm hesitant to make a comparison to vocals I actually enjoy, but my brain finds some slight similarities to Ape De Martini in approach. There are also some hammy attempts to show "range" with lower vocals (including the aforementioned gruff ones) and some cringey falsettos. I can dismiss the vocals on the originals as just an odd stylistic choice, but the singing actively brings down the Twisted Sister "S.M.F." cover, which would have been great otherwise.  

Dezibel Zero - Dezibel Zero

Wasn't quite sure what to expect here.  The band seemed to have a decent pedigree, with a bassist/vocalist from Desert Storm and (briefly) Minotaur, the guitarist from a relatively obscure but solid thrash band, and a drummer who would later do a short stint in Zed Yago. I figured from the cover photo that the guys had jumped on the '90s groove bandwagon, but then I took a look at the back of the booklet:

HIP-HOP? THIS SEEMS LIKE SNEAKY KRAUT PROMOTIONALSPEAK FOR KORN/LIMP BIZKIT EMULATION.

It's not, but it's nothing great either. I can waste my time in far better ways than trying to thoroughly dissect the various musical influences here, but with the groove and funk influences I'm just going to use the bullshit "alternative metal" umbrella term and be done with it. I can see some of the heavier sections being considered kinda thrashy prog. metal, but that's being extremely generous.

Based on the lineup and reuse of songs from this CD, it seems that Dezibel Zero effectively became a later Desert Storm lineup.

I thought the cover might be some sort of strange homage to the art on Holocaust's Heavy Metal Mania EP, but that's a pretty big stretch my brain was making.  Upon actual comparison, they only share the common theme of very unhappy-looking winged things getting impaled, and nothing else. 

Speaking of homages, the older pics in the booklet are already great, sure--obviously, it's hard to go wrong with Possessed and Slayer shirts and a length of chain.  But I was blown away to see the Prowler 7" in one of the pics.  ATTACK OF METAL STRIKE YOUR CUNT !!  It took me a few moments to figure out why there was a rather scantily-clad guy across the bottom of the picture, until I realized they were posing in a parody of the EP cover. 

Anyway, my main reason for this post is to ask if anybody has any further information on the unlisted bonus track at the end of the disc.  Let me know if you do.  My own searches didn't yield info on the mystery track, but did produce this autotranslation gem:

I dunno about Bathroom's Quorthon, but Quorthon's bathroom makes me imagine the Occulta recordings stashed behind a commode somewhere, though more realistically it was probably the place where Destroyer of Worlds was conceived.

Pro-Fé-Cia - Hechos de Metal

Right off the bat, let me say that this CD is better than it looks.  The hyphenated bandname, logo, and layout could have easily been warning indicators for Hispanic groove metal, but luckily there's no such shit here.

If you've read my blogs, you know I have a fascination/mild obsession with the Heralds of Oblivion comp., and I was initially curious about this CD because I saw the drummer for Decomposed played on it.  As it turns out, ANOTHER Heralds alumni--Emilio Marquez--also plays on it.  There are 8 musicians pictured on the inside cover...So the guitarist and bassist were in Prophecy (CA)...There's a guy credited with "samplers" (this will come into play shortly)...Karlos Medina of Evildead/Agent Steel fame plays on a track...Oh, and there's a guy playing drums on that same track:

YEP.  I honestly did not notice it was Dave Lombardo the first time I looked at the booklet; I guess the knit hat made him really inconspicuous.

The music itself is pretty generic mid-'90s style death metal.  A couple of riffs get a bit more groovy than I personally like, but nothing to an offensive degree.  "Fe muerta" has an acoustic guitar intro and some sludginess which makes it marginally more interesting than the other tracks.  The combination of a production on the lo-fi side, the rumbliness of the music, and the Spanish lyrics do make them sound like a Mexican/Central American DM band.  

However, from the very first track you'll notice there are sound effects in the background, courtesy of Mr. Samplers.  Things start off relatively lightly with pulsating electronic sounds and simple synthish stuff, but he seems to be emboldened as the CD goes on, and delves into more cosmic-sounding, oscillating effects.  I'm neutral about the effects overall.   There's some vaguely The Terminator score-sounding stuff that adds a tiny bit of atmosphere, but even the most out of place effects are too minimalist to be a big disruption.  Weird stylistic choice, but hardly the most bewildering musical embellishment on a metal album.

End of the disc has three cover songs:

"Desvaneser al abissmo" - This is Metallica's "Fade to Black."  In English.  They even put spacey effects here, and it's probably the highest concentration of them!  Weirdly interesting as a "cosmic" version, but the whispered vocals at the beginning are dumb.

"El enviado del infierno" - Transmetal cover.  WHAT A TRAINWRECK.  Here, the effects are very intrusive; before the guitars started, I thought this was going to be some sort of ridiculous electronica version.  Obviously just a throwaway track to show off Lombardo's guest drumming.

"Celula" - Cover of a Mexican band called Caifanes, who I had never heard of (I attempted to check out the original on YouTube as a point of comparison, but I bailed when it got uncomfortably close to mariachi music). The cover doesn't sound very much like what I did sample and seems like an extremely loose deathdoomy interpretation.  Approaching it just as a metal song and not as a cover, it's fairly decent except for the out-of-tune clean vox.

Thrust - "Invitation to Insanity"

WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT.  Even the slightest semblance of Fist Held High or '80s metal here would have satisfied my meager expectations.  There should have been more advance warning of the content here--such as a wiggerized front cover or a shitty modernized logo.  The first indicator of something wrong was the band photo:

ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER.   The rhythm section look like disgruntled bikers, but then there's the nose-bolted and knit capped singer, who looks like he would fit better in an industrial or alternative band.

The one slightly positive thing I can say about the CD is that it was not awful in the way I was expecting, which was Pantera emulation nonsense like Omen's Reopening the Gates. The riffing is groovy, but rather than angsty chugging, they seem to be attempts to be hooky.  Everything is quite mellow, there's some power balladish stuff, the production favors the vocals and drums, and there's a dearth of speed. A significant chunk of the disc sounds more like '90s hard rock than actual metal. Remember, this is the band who titled a song "Posers Will Die!" and whose debut revelled in heavy metal cliche (fantastically so, I might add). Despite my complaints about his appearance, the singer isn't an Anselloutmo clone, instead sounding like a mix of John Bush and old Chuck Billy. If only he had better material to sing over.

Even though everyone from the album except Mr. Boltnose is still in the current lineup, I noticed that on the band's official website, Invitation to Insanity isn't mentioned at all in the bio or discography (which even lists The Best of Metal Blade Vol. 1!). While disavowing this album is a sensible move, it's also pretty corny and Pantera-like to whitewash the band history.

Oh dear.